从小，我全家就是佛教徒。记得小时候，经常因做错事而被爸妈罚跪在观音前。懂事以后，妈让我每天早晚两次负责点灯烧香。
My family has always been Buddhist, for as long as I can remember. I remember the days when I had to kneel in front of Guan Yin when I did something wrong. When I become older, mum will ask me to take charge of burning joss-sticks and lighting the oil twice a day.
My family has always been Buddhist, for as long as I can remember. I remember the days when I had to kneel in front of Guan Yin when I did something wrong. When I become older, mum will ask me to take charge of burning joss-sticks and lighting the oil twice a day.
可是懂事后，总感觉家里习佛的态度怪怪的。记得由一回，（很小时），我爸在整修神台，因过程不顺利而骂了句粗话。祖母听到了，马上不准我爸再骂下去；在神台前骂粗语，佛祖会以为是在骂他。那时，我就想，既然是佛祖，我爸在骂谁他一定很清楚，那来得以为或误会。。。
But I become more educated, I start to question my family's approach to Buddhist. I remember once very very long ago (when I was 10 years old I guess) when my father was fixing the altar and got into some problem and swear. My grandmother heard it and told my dad not to do it in front of the altar, in case the Buddha thought that he was scolding the Buddha himself. I wonder then if the Buddha is indeed the Buddha, surely he know whether my dad was scolding him or not...
But I become more educated, I start to question my family's approach to Buddhist. I remember once very very long ago (when I was 10 years old I guess) when my father was fixing the altar and got into some problem and swear. My grandmother heard it and told my dad not to do it in front of the altar, in case the Buddha thought that he was scolding the Buddha himself. I wonder then if the Buddha is indeed the Buddha, surely he know whether my dad was scolding him or not...
很多年后，我问祖母，点灯焚香烧元宝蜡烛是为了什麽。祖母说那是她母亲教的。我又问我妈，为何神台上的发糕从来不吃，等到发霉了再扔掉。我妈说，发霉后才会发。我说：暴殄天物；我妈说：小孩子不懂事。
Years later, I ask my grandmother the point of burning joss-sticks (especially with pollution and global warming) and she replied that is what her mother taught her. Then I ask my mum why we never eat the prosperity-cake on the altar and instead let it grow moldy, she replied that moldy will bring prosperity. But I told her that it is a waste of food, but she ignored me.
一年半前，我爸开车经过四马路观音庙（新加坡香火最鼎盛的佛寺）的后巷，我惊然发现一车车垃圾车都是香与鲜花。香只有一成点过，花都还没枯。名符其实的香火鼎盛，前门花进，后门花出。投稿给报社，可惜景物依旧。。。
Then that day my dad drive past the backyard of Guan Yin temple (the most famous one in Singapore) and I notice that the temple threw away a lot of joss-sticks (just 10% lit) and offered flowers. What a big waste! I took a picture and sent it to the press, but nothing changed.
Years later, I ask my grandmother the point of burning joss-sticks (especially with pollution and global warming) and she replied that is what her mother taught her. Then I ask my mum why we never eat the prosperity-cake on the altar and instead let it grow moldy, she replied that moldy will bring prosperity. But I told her that it is a waste of food, but she ignored me.
一年半前，我爸开车经过四马路观音庙（新加坡香火最鼎盛的佛寺）的后巷，我惊然发现一车车垃圾车都是香与鲜花。香只有一成点过，花都还没枯。名符其实的香火鼎盛，前门花进，后门花出。投稿给报社，可惜景物依旧。。。Then that day my dad drive past the backyard of Guan Yin temple (the most famous one in Singapore) and I notice that the temple threw away a lot of joss-sticks (just 10% lit) and offered flowers. What a big waste! I took a picture and sent it to the press, but nothing changed.
这段时期，我就带着满脑的疑问，懵懵懂懂的跟着家人习佛。忽然间，我表姐信了基督教。我表姐和我一样，在找生命的意义，可惜她在佛典中找不到她要的答案， 却在圣经中找到了心灵的慰籍。再忽然间，我姑妈也信了基督教。平地一声雷，我姑妈是请了青衣，学过佛典的。我隐隐约约觉得我家（也是新加坡大多数的佛教 徒）的习佛方式是越走越窄，渐渐的走进了死胡同。那时，我真的觉得时间不够，来不及了，新加坡的佛教急需现代化。可是，我没有答案。。。
That was the period where I just blindly practice the way of Buddhist my family was practicing, although I had a lot of question in my mind. Then my cousin converted to Christianity and soon after, my aunt (her mother) follow. That was a big surprise, my aunt was deep into Buddhist. After that incident, I spent a lot of time thinking and questioning the Buddhism that I knew. If I don't find the answer, I really don't know whether I will still remain a Buddhist. But then, it is such a pity to leave Buddhism...
That was the period where I just blindly practice the way of Buddhist my family was practicing, although I had a lot of question in my mind. Then my cousin converted to Christianity and soon after, my aunt (her mother) follow. That was a big surprise, my aunt was deep into Buddhist. After that incident, I spent a lot of time thinking and questioning the Buddhism that I knew. If I don't find the answer, I really don't know whether I will still remain a Buddhist. But then, it is such a pity to leave Buddhism...
想了很久，心中还是有两大疑问：环保刻不容缓，佛教没了点灯焚香烧元宝蜡烛还是佛教吗？行善积福如何大彻大悟，如何到达彼岸。。。
In the end, I summarize my doubts into 2 main points, does environmentalism and Buddhism crushes (is Buddhist still Buddhist without the joss-sticks and burning of paper money?) and how does charitable acts link up with Buddhism (can we really achieve enlightenment with just doing good deeds?).
心中无限烦恼，想来想去，苦无答案。直到遇见慈济，无限欢喜。
With all these in mind, it will come to no surprise how happy I was when I found Tzu Chi because Tzu Chi showed me the path to the answers to my 2 queries.
In the end, I summarize my doubts into 2 main points, does environmentalism and Buddhism crushes (is Buddhist still Buddhist without the joss-sticks and burning of paper money?) and how does charitable acts link up with Buddhism (can we really achieve enlightenment with just doing good deeds?).
心中无限烦恼，想来想去，苦无答案。直到遇见慈济，无限欢喜。
With all these in mind, it will come to no surprise how happy I was when I found Tzu Chi because Tzu Chi showed me the path to the answers to my 2 queries.
