我在波士顿念书时，都有参与慈济大多数的活动。我是波士顿唯一参与密歇根“晨钟起，熏法香”的慈青，因而认识怡玮学姐，并通过学姐认识在英国的升伦学长。可是，除了穿志工服、做慈济事时心无挂碍、法喜充满；其余时，都有一种失落、无奈和烦心的感觉。
When I was studying in Boston, I was involved in most of Tzu Chi activities, being the only Tzu Ching in Boston to participate in the discussion of Master’s teaching organized by University of Michigan Tzu Ching, thus getting to know Beth and through Beth, Marshall in the United Kingdom. However, other than during the time volunteering in Tzu Chi and wearing Tzu Chi uniform where I feel a peace of mind, most of the time I am at a loss with a sense of helplessness.
数月的烦心推敲，我了解读了一年的博士班，再读下去，只有两条路。一，多痛苦六年，把博士修完再转换研究方向。二，放弃学业，出外累积我想转换研究方向的工作经验，之后再从新申请博士班。
After several months of worrisome thinking, I realized that if I continue my PhD which I had already completed a year, there are only 2 options: another six painful years of PhD studies before changing research direction after graduation or give up my studies, go out and work, gain some work experience and then apply for another PhD program.
第一条路，我想起了陈理珊，波士顿一位慈青的女朋友。我不认识理珊，想着还有机会认识。不过，今年一月，健康的理珊有一晚呼吸不顺，就这样往生了。这件事后，我深深体会了上人说的“生命就在呼吸间”和“不知道是无常先到还是明天先到”。波士顿慈济人也开始力行“今天可以做的事，不要留到明天再做”。因此，我不想走第一条路，现在可以转换研究方向，我不想等六年，因为不知道到底有没有六年。
If I were to take the first path, I really do not know whether I have another 6 years. Lisa, a Tzu Ching girlfriend whom I do not have the chance to meet because I thought that there are plenty of other opportunities, passed away a night ago after encountering breathing difficulties. After this, I fully appreciate Master saying that "life is between breathes" and "we do not know whether death or the next day will arrive first". Boston Tzu Chi volunteers begun to exercise "things that can be done today, do not keep it till tomorrow". Therefore, the first path is not for me.
第二条路，放弃学业。麻省理工，全世界顶尖的理工学府。我想修博士学位想了十年，想到麻省理工修博士学位想了五年。说放就放，谈何容易。更何况在麻省，我认识不少首屈一指的名教授以及可能是明日之星的同砚。这些人脉是日后开创一番事业不可或缺的。
The second path is to give up my studies. MIT, the world's top engineering university. I wanted a PhD for more than a decade, wanted to go MIT for PhD for more than 5 years. It is not that easy to leave. Moreover, in MIT I get to know many leading professors and raising stars. These connections are very useful in the future.
因此，留下很痛苦，离开又舍不得。我就在这两难之间俳回，心情时好时坏。
Therefore, staying is a painful decision but I cannot bear to leave. This causes my moods to change periodically from good to bad drastically.
那时，在“晨钟起，熏法香”时，和怡玮学姐提起读书读得很痛苦，想换换环境，正在考虑是否要到英国读书。怡玮学姐便介绍我升伦学长，一个月后有机会与升伦学长闲聊时，升伦学长问我有没有兴趣到花莲静思堂工作，慈济营建处需要机械工程师。我没有听过营建处，想想能回花莲也不错，便把简历译成中文，电邮给了升伦学长。当时，升伦学长问我，我几时能离开麻省。我回答说理论上随时都能走。升伦学长惊讶地回我：“那你好轻安自在呀，你愁什么”。升伦学长一句话，轮到我惊讶。
During the discussion of Master’s teaching, I told Beth about my current situation and would like to switch environment, considering whether or not to go to Britain to study. Beth introduced Marshall to me whom I got a chance to speak to a month later. Marshall asked me whether I am interested in working at Hualien since Tzu Chi construction department needs to mechanical engineers. I have never heard of Tzu Chi construction department, but was thinking that it is not a bad option to return back to Hualien. Hence I translated my resume into Chinese and e-mail it back to Marshall. At that time, Marshall asked me, when I can leave MIT. I replied that in theory I can go at any time. Marshall was very surprised to hear that and told me that if I am free to go anytime and anyway, why I am so distressed? It became my turn to be surprised.
就在六月的一个晚上，心情忽然荡到谷底，在网路上与父亲、表姐夫、建发师兄大吐苦水。父亲告诉我，我已是家里学历最高的，他也不知该如何给我意见。不过，不管我做哪一项决定，家里都支持我。我表姐夫建议我别只顾眼前的烦恼，要有长远的计划。建发师兄让我了解，我受“贪嗔痴”的毒受了十年之久，要想方设法解脱。那晚吐完苦水，记起一段经文“依般若波罗蜜多故，心无挂碍，无挂碍故，无有恐怖，远离颠倒梦想，究竟涅盘”。隔天，最要好的知交，狄和联络到我，正和他述说“放不开麻省的一切”时，不经意抬头一望，看见我书架上的一张静思语。那张静思语拿了放在书架上很久，烦了数月都没有注意到。简单的六个字：“前脚走，后脚放”。我当下释怀，既然想走，就要把名与利放下。
When I was studying in Boston, I was involved in most of Tzu Chi activities, being the only Tzu Ching in Boston to participate in the discussion of Master’s teaching organized by University of Michigan Tzu Ching, thus getting to know Beth and through Beth, Marshall in the United Kingdom. However, other than during the time volunteering in Tzu Chi and wearing Tzu Chi uniform where I feel a peace of mind, most of the time I am at a loss with a sense of helplessness.
数月的烦心推敲，我了解读了一年的博士班，再读下去，只有两条路。一，多痛苦六年，把博士修完再转换研究方向。二，放弃学业，出外累积我想转换研究方向的工作经验，之后再从新申请博士班。
After several months of worrisome thinking, I realized that if I continue my PhD which I had already completed a year, there are only 2 options: another six painful years of PhD studies before changing research direction after graduation or give up my studies, go out and work, gain some work experience and then apply for another PhD program.
第一条路，我想起了陈理珊，波士顿一位慈青的女朋友。我不认识理珊，想着还有机会认识。不过，今年一月，健康的理珊有一晚呼吸不顺，就这样往生了。这件事后，我深深体会了上人说的“生命就在呼吸间”和“不知道是无常先到还是明天先到”。波士顿慈济人也开始力行“今天可以做的事，不要留到明天再做”。因此，我不想走第一条路，现在可以转换研究方向，我不想等六年，因为不知道到底有没有六年。
If I were to take the first path, I really do not know whether I have another 6 years. Lisa, a Tzu Ching girlfriend whom I do not have the chance to meet because I thought that there are plenty of other opportunities, passed away a night ago after encountering breathing difficulties. After this, I fully appreciate Master saying that "life is between breathes" and "we do not know whether death or the next day will arrive first". Boston Tzu Chi volunteers begun to exercise "things that can be done today, do not keep it till tomorrow". Therefore, the first path is not for me.
第二条路，放弃学业。麻省理工，全世界顶尖的理工学府。我想修博士学位想了十年，想到麻省理工修博士学位想了五年。说放就放，谈何容易。更何况在麻省，我认识不少首屈一指的名教授以及可能是明日之星的同砚。这些人脉是日后开创一番事业不可或缺的。
The second path is to give up my studies. MIT, the world's top engineering university. I wanted a PhD for more than a decade, wanted to go MIT for PhD for more than 5 years. It is not that easy to leave. Moreover, in MIT I get to know many leading professors and raising stars. These connections are very useful in the future.
因此，留下很痛苦，离开又舍不得。我就在这两难之间俳回，心情时好时坏。
Therefore, staying is a painful decision but I cannot bear to leave. This causes my moods to change periodically from good to bad drastically.
那时，在“晨钟起，熏法香”时，和怡玮学姐提起读书读得很痛苦，想换换环境，正在考虑是否要到英国读书。怡玮学姐便介绍我升伦学长，一个月后有机会与升伦学长闲聊时，升伦学长问我有没有兴趣到花莲静思堂工作，慈济营建处需要机械工程师。我没有听过营建处，想想能回花莲也不错，便把简历译成中文，电邮给了升伦学长。当时，升伦学长问我，我几时能离开麻省。我回答说理论上随时都能走。升伦学长惊讶地回我：“那你好轻安自在呀，你愁什么”。升伦学长一句话，轮到我惊讶。
During the discussion of Master’s teaching, I told Beth about my current situation and would like to switch environment, considering whether or not to go to Britain to study. Beth introduced Marshall to me whom I got a chance to speak to a month later. Marshall asked me whether I am interested in working at Hualien since Tzu Chi construction department needs to mechanical engineers. I have never heard of Tzu Chi construction department, but was thinking that it is not a bad option to return back to Hualien. Hence I translated my resume into Chinese and e-mail it back to Marshall. At that time, Marshall asked me, when I can leave MIT. I replied that in theory I can go at any time. Marshall was very surprised to hear that and told me that if I am free to go anytime and anyway, why I am so distressed? It became my turn to be surprised.
就在六月的一个晚上，心情忽然荡到谷底，在网路上与父亲、表姐夫、建发师兄大吐苦水。父亲告诉我，我已是家里学历最高的，他也不知该如何给我意见。不过，不管我做哪一项决定，家里都支持我。我表姐夫建议我别只顾眼前的烦恼，要有长远的计划。建发师兄让我了解，我受“贪嗔痴”的毒受了十年之久，要想方设法解脱。那晚吐完苦水，记起一段经文“依般若波罗蜜多故，心无挂碍，无挂碍故，无有恐怖，远离颠倒梦想，究竟涅盘”。隔天，最要好的知交，狄和联络到我，正和他述说“放不开麻省的一切”时，不经意抬头一望，看见我书架上的一张静思语。那张静思语拿了放在书架上很久，烦了数月都没有注意到。简单的六个字：“前脚走，后脚放”。我当下释怀，既然想走，就要把名与利放下。
One evening in June, my mood suddenly became very bad and started complaining to my dad, brother-in-law and Jiuan SX over the internet. My father told me that I have the highest academic qualifications at home and he did not know how to advice me. However, whatever my decision, the family will support me. My brother-in-law adviced me not to only look at the immediate problem but also a long-term plan. Jiuan SX let me know that I am poisoned by my desires for so long and need to get out of it. After a night of complaining, I remembered a phase from a sutra “following the path, remove desires in your heart, after removing desires there will be no fear, far from undesirable hopes and eventually reached nirvana”. The next day my best friend Di He managed to contact me and while I was telling him my troubles, I saw a Jing Si phase which I obtained many months ago and totally forgotten about it. Simple words “when we move our front leg forward, we let go of our back”. I realized that immediately that it is time to go.
释怀后，隔天便向导师表明去意。导师不是很高兴。好在导师了解我对研究已心无所恋，也能把研究工作交待好，便让我离开。过了几天，升伦学长便告知我，能回花莲，林副总说“欢迎他回来同耕慈济志业”。
After realizing that I should leave, I went to look to my advisor the next day. Of couese my advisor is not very happy. Fortunately, after understanding that I no longer have any interests in the research areas and can hang over my work well, he let me leave. A few days later, Marshall told me that VP Lin welcome me to return to Tzu Chi.
我交待好研究工作、办妥休学手续、别了波士顿慈济人及朋友，就飞回心灵故乡：静思精舍。感恩林副总及升伦学长，让我生平第一次有机会见到上人。
I handed over my research work, withdrew from MIT, say goodbye to my friends and Tzu Chi volunteers in Boston and flew back to our spiritual hometown: Jing Si Abode. Many thanks to Marshall and VP Lin for a chance to meet Master face to face.
释怀后，隔天便向导师表明去意。导师不是很高兴。好在导师了解我对研究已心无所恋，也能把研究工作交待好，便让我离开。过了几天，升伦学长便告知我，能回花莲，林副总说“欢迎他回来同耕慈济志业”。
After realizing that I should leave, I went to look to my advisor the next day. Of couese my advisor is not very happy. Fortunately, after understanding that I no longer have any interests in the research areas and can hang over my work well, he let me leave. A few days later, Marshall told me that VP Lin welcome me to return to Tzu Chi.
我交待好研究工作、办妥休学手续、别了波士顿慈济人及朋友，就飞回心灵故乡：静思精舍。感恩林副总及升伦学长，让我生平第一次有机会见到上人。
I handed over my research work, withdrew from MIT, say goodbye to my friends and Tzu Chi volunteers in Boston and flew back to our spiritual hometown: Jing Si Abode. Many thanks to Marshall and VP Lin for a chance to meet Master face to face.
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